Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
