sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
