Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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