He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
