She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
