If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
