Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
