just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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