I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
