So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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