i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
