How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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