I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
