im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
