A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
