I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
