every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
