I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
