i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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