You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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