Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need help removing her.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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