she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
