why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize