this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
