New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
