cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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