i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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