i was rollin on her like bob the builder
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
