You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
