there's paper in my vomit.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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