1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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