also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
