Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
