i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
