Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
