I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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