I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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