Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
BRING THE BAGELS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
