2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
