so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize