I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
