youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
