that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
