There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That accounts for only three of the penises
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
