Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
