you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love you. Go after that dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
