All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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