We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
