He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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