i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
