There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
