I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
