you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
