what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
