Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
