i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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