I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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