where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
