Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
