His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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