It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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