Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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