You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
