i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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