Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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