Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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