Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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