somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
