Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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